


The Blood On Your Skin

by Undercoverwriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Protective Dean Winchester, Shy Castiel (Supernatural), Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Writing on Skin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:02:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undercoverwriter/pseuds/Undercoverwriter
Summary: Any marks on someone's skin will appear on their soulmate's body. Most people write on their skin to communicate with their fated one.But obviously Dean isn't most people. As a hunter, he's constantly on the road, risking his life.  He can't allow himself to care for someone the way soulmates do… but most importantly he can’t allow anyone to care about him.Castiel’s soulmate doesn't want him. He’s used to it by now and honestly, judging by the frequent bloodstains on his skin… maybe it’s a good thing? But then he meets Sam Winchester at Stanford and things start to change.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 53
Kudos: 262





	1. Prologue

Everyone had a soulmate. People could see any marks on their soulmate's skin appear on their own body; it starts with the first marks, drawn at birth. And continues throughout your whole life, getting any stain currently marking your soulmate’s skin. 

Pre-reading, kids could often be seen sporting another kid’s marker stains on their hands. The most curious and attentive ones sometimes drew on their own skin to communicate. Once they were able to write, verbal communication started and it could be hard to convince the children not to write everywhere on their little bodies.

It was common practice for parents to write the first marks on their baby’s skin at birth. They could write whatever they wanted, but parents generally decided to include basic information such as the baby’s name, sex, location.

Mary was out of breath, her skin still glistening with sweat when the midwife carefully handed her the baby. _Her little dean_. Mary was teary eyed when she reached for John’s hand. She was holding her son for the first time.

Dean blinked at them, his eyes still unfocused.

John lovingly reached for his son, delicately touching his little cheeks. He was so small. John had to hold back a sob. He tightened his grip on Mary’s hand.

They were both gleaming with an indescribable joy, one only parents could understand, when the midwife came back with the pen.

Mary pulled her son closer to her chest, instinctively wanting to protect him from the outside world. It was normal for mothers to feel possessive over their child, not ready to share them with complete strangers.

“You don’t have to do it now” the lady reassured them “only when you’re both ready” She gave the skin-safe pen to John and left.

The next day, They wrote: “ _Hi, I’m Dean Winchester, Born in Kansas USA and I’m your soulmate_ ”

~

Dean’s first mark wasn’t met with an answer until he was three years old. It read “ _Castiel -_ _**♂**_ _\- Moscow, Russia_ ”.

Little Dean was very confused about the mark when he showed it to his mom. She explained something about having a friend on the other side of the world. Dean didn’t quite understand but her cheerful tone was enough to reassure him.

Having such a cold and formal first mark was rare but not unheard of. Mary just assumed Castiel’s parents probably didn’t speak English. But then, a few days before dean’s fourth birthday, a second first mark appeared on her son’s skin.

“ _My Name is Castiel Novak, I’m 4 months old and I just got adopted in Seattle_ ”

Dean asked his mom what the mark meant. She sat down with her son, and explained how his soulmate didn’t have parents. At first little Dean was very worried as he imagined what it would be like if mom and dad weren’t there to take care of him.

With tears in his eyes, he tried to hide in his mom’s embrace. It was okay now, mom reassured him, Castiel found new parents and they were going to take care of him and give him all of the love he needed.

Dean smiled. He too wanted to give Castiel love.

So mom took a pen and she asked Dean “What should we say to Castiel?”

Dean thought about it as if it was the most important question anyone had ever asked him. His brow furrowed deeply. Mary couldn’t help but smile at his little serious face. “I know!” dean announced eagerly.

“ _Hi, I’m dean! I'm 3! Do you like pie?”_

The sentence was followed by a large misshapen heart, very obviously drawn by the three -almost 4! –years old boy.


	2. Jessica, From California

On November 2, 1983 everything changed. Dean remembered standing there, watching his life going down in flames, quite literally. His baby brother was safely tucked in his arms. Dad had told him to run out of the house and protect Sammy. Dean didn’t need more explaining, he knew deep down his mom would never get out of the flaming house. His father’s panicked appearance and the empty pit currently growing in his own heart were enough clues for him to know he would never see his mother again.

Dean couldn’t stop crying. The tears rolling down his face and landing on Sammy’s little blanket made him feel guilty. He tried to stop, to keep his brother dry, but the harder he tried, the more he cried. There and then, Dean promised himself he would always protect Sam, whatever the cost.

This was the start of Dean’s new life on the road with dad and Sammy. After that, Dean barely ever paid attention to the whole soulmate thing, too busy taking care of his baby brother and his dad.

Sam was almost two when he got his first mark. Dad wasn’t home when it happened, but it didn’t matter. Dean was already six by then and he could read perfectly well –That’s what he told himself –. His reading skills were good enough to decipher the short sentence on Sam’s arm.

“ _My name is Moore Jessica! I’m a little lady from California_ ”

Dean smiled with pride as he carefully replicated the words on a piece of paper to make sure he didn’t forget. Dean quickly grabbed the world map in his school book to show Sammy where his soulmate was born. He told his baby brother everything he remembered about soulmates, not quite sure if the two-year-old understood him but he kept going anyway. He remembered mom saying the soulmate was a very special friend made to be your perfect match. They would become best friends and love each other so much, they could even get married.

Dean was telling tales of happiness and soulmates while Sammy’s little eyes slowly closed as he listen to his brother’s voice lull him to sleep.

~

Dean cannot remember if dad ever even tried to hide the existence of monsters from him. He’s six or seven when John takes him out shooting for the first time. They used bottles as target practice and dean bullseyed every one of them. Under dad’s praise, Dean finally feels proud and loved.

He’s nine when he starts wondering why they’re hiding the truth from Sam. Dad never even bothered trying to protect him from the truth. Dean feels sad about it. Of course they have to protect Sammy at all cost, he understood that very well. What he didn’t get is why he didn’t deserve the same level of protection.

Dean remembers shaking in bed from fear, wishing someone was there to protect him while dad was away on hunts. Seeing Sam so happily ignorant almost makes him jealous. But it doesn’t matter “Sammy is more important” he tells himself.

They’re playing dress up as Batman and Superman with costumes Dean stole at the local supermarket. They look ridiculous but it doesn’t matter because Sam is having fun. His laugh is so contagious Dean won’t even try to pretend he’s not having fun too.

They’re running around when it happens. Dean is distracted for a second, but then Sammy is screaming in pain. Dean panics and runs toward his little brother.

“My arm! Dean it hurts!” Sam cries.

From the look of it, his arm is probably broken. Dean is scared shitless but he tries to control himself. He’s the big brother! He cannot allow himself to be scared. Dad isn’t home, which means no impala… So he swiftly grabs his bike and decides to take Sammy to the E.R. on the handlebars.

Sammy will be fine the doctors said as they started caring for him. The nurses are very nice with Dean but it doesn’t change that fact that he cannot do anything but loathe himself right now. Dean cannot do anything right, he failed his brother, his most important mission. The guilt makes him want to cry his heart out.

And a few hours later, when John finally arrives to the hospital and starts angrily shouting at him, that’s when Dean finally understands: He is not as important as Sam, he will never be.

He’s nothing.

Dean is only nine.

~

Sammy was eight when he found dad’s journal. He liked to read so he did just that. And that’s how he discovered mom’s death wasn’t an accident, monsters are real and the Winchesters are hunters. Sammy felt like crying when he confronted Dean, he couldn’t believe they had been lying all this time. He was so mad at his brother.

Sam needed time away, which was complicated in their single room motel, so he hid in bed for a while.

 _“Hey”_ he wrote on his wrist.

 _“Hello,_ _how are you?”_ Jessica replied almost immediately.

 _“fine, and you?”_ Sam was smiling, Jess’ handwriting always made him happy _“It’s going to be your birthday soon!”_

 _“Yes! Mom and Dad said we will party and have cake! You think you could come? ”_ Jess started doodling a birthday cake while waiting for Sammy’s answer.

 _“I don’t know”_ he replied honestly. _“you think ghost are real?”_

 _“Ewwww, don’t say ghosts! It’s scary!”_ Sammy laughed and his anger dissipated.

He understood better now. Of course Dean had to protect him from monsters. The same way he had to protect Jess. She was only six years old and there was no way Sam would ever scare her with ghost stories.

So after he greeted Jess goodbye, Sammy got out of bed and went back to sitting on the couch with his brother. It was Christmas after all. They had presents to open –stolen ones, Sam knew it by now but he could still pretend they weren’t –and cereals to eat.


	3. Hunts and Hurts

Dean was sixteen years old when he fully embraced his life as a hunter. He just killed a werewolf, shot him right in the heart with a silver-tipped arrow. Sammy was waiting in the car while Dean and John dragged the body into the woods and lit it on fire.

As he looked into the flames, Dean thought to himself, kids his age were worried about pimples and meeting their soulmate for the first time. They could’ve never even imagined the things Dean had done, the things he has seen.

Dean was not part of their world and he could never be. Not after all the things he went through.

Dean was sitting there, covered in blood and dirt. he took his head in his hands. _He was a hunter,_ he thought _, that meant he should never meet his soulmate._ And while he never paid much attention to Castiel, he still felt like he just lost something, someone so important. His body locked up tight, fist clenched as the pain of his loss washed over him. This was a difficult decision, but he did it for Cas.

There were so many logical reasons as to why Dean should never meet him. First of all, he was a hunter always on the road. Dean went from one motel to another. He would never have a home, and while it was the right life for him, it was a life he didn’t wish upon his worst enemy. It felt sad and lonely. Second, having a soulmate would be worrisome and it would probably end up being a huge distraction while on hunts. Castiel would worry about him while he was on hunting trips, he would worry about Castiel’s safety. That could end up in either of them getting killed.

And Dean knew damn well what happened when your soulmate died. He witnessed it firsthand through John Winchester. The sadness of the loss made his dad drink himself to sleep every night.

Dean couldn’t end up like his father. So he tried his best to ignore his soulmate. At first, he even tried to avoid getting anything on his skin. If Castiel never saw any marks ever again, he would probably forget about Dean and move on.

Of course he quickly realized that was a dumb idea. As a hunter, half of his job consisted of getting dirty. There was no way he could ever avoid getting stuff on his skin. So dean just did his best to pretend he didn’t have a soulmate.

And everything went perfectly fine, until it wasn’t.

Dean was nineteen and his soulmate must have been around sixteen years old. Cas had stopped trying to communicate years ago but today maybe he had a bad day or whatever, dean didn’t know, but he started writing on his skin again.

Dean was sitting in bed when he noticed something on his arm. _“Dean ?”_ Castiel's handwriting looked shaky. As usual, he ignored it. But this time around however, Castiel didn’t stop writing.

 _“Dean please_ ” Castiel paused waiting for an answer he knew wouldn’t come _“I know you are there… please dean.”_ And it kept going, Cas wasn’t giving up.

Dean had to look away. He reached for a book and tried his hardest to focus on what he was reading. It didn’t work. He was absentmindedly turning pages but he couldn’t understand a single word of the text before him. He could almost feel the pen on his arm. Dean groaned at the feeling.

As he turned his attention back to his arm, he was met with a litany of _“Dean please, stop ignoring me, I’m begging you, I hate you”_ and more _“Dean dean? Dean ? DEAN”_ and finally multiple variants of _“Please help”_

Castiel’s words covered his entire arm, disappearing under his sleeve. Dean didn’t know what to do. What if Cas was in trouble, what if he was in danger? His body is tensed and his heart was pounding loudly sending a myriad of emotions coursing through his veins. Dean wished he could follow his instincts and finally talk to Cas. He was so worried he felt like he could throw up.

Suddenly, dean saw the words starting to wash away. Castiel gave up. Dean sighed and his body relaxed with relief. He fell backwards on the bed, lying on his back with both hands on his forehead. _That was a close call,_ he thought. He hadn’t been that close to writing on his skin in years.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with more black handwriting on his wrist. A single sentence this time:

_“I’m sorry I’m not good enough”_

Dean couldn’t take it anymore. He was fucking up a sixteen-year-old’s self-esteem. This whole situation was fucking ridiculous. Dean was mad at himself for being such an asshole. So without realizing what he was about to do, he grabbed the nearest pen and…

 _“you are perfect”_ Dean answered.

He groaned at the silliness of his reply. What kind of stupid it’s-not-you-it’s-me bullshit was he on? He didn’t even know the guy, why did he even bother. Dean blamed his stupid protective instincts. He already regretted it. His blood boiled with anger. Dean felt claustrophobic in his own skin, he needed to get away before he broke everything around him. He desperately needed to be distracted until he forgot this ever happened, until he forgot Castiel even existed.

Dean grabbed his car keys and stormed out of their motel room without a word. He drove until he didn’t even know where he was anymore.

And that’s the story of how Dean went on a “five states in five days” road trip but ended up spending most of it fucking a cute Yoga instructor called Lisa Braeden, because Dean was an asshole. An asshole in desperate need to forget all about his soulmate.

And four years later, Dean was still an asshole. He was back to ignoring Cas, even though Castiel had been trying to contact him almost every day since the “ _you are perfect_ ” incident. Cas kept writing things about how his day went or the stuff he liked. Sometimes he just left tiny ridiculous doodles on his skin for Dean to enjoy.

Dean had learned so much about him in the past four years. Cas was clever, like almost more than Sammy kind of clever. He was shy but incredibly kind. Furthermore, Cas was also a smart ass and wasn't afraid to let Dean know in his own funny ways, he didn't quite enjoy the various stains left by dean's hunts on their skin. But there was no way Dean would ever write anything back… because Dean was an asshole.

And now that Sam had left hunting to go to Stanford fucking university, Dean might become even more of an asshole. Even though he was proud of his baby brother, Dean couldn’t help but being angry at Sam for abandoning him. He had devoted his entire life to the kid. Without Sammy, the only thing Dean had left was hunting. So he started hunting more and more, with reckless abandon. This was unhealthy, even Dean noticed his behavior was problematic.

He killed with an unprecedented frenzy, always searching for more hunts, the more dangerous the better. And maybe it had to do with his need to connect with Castiel, because he noticed the more his soulmate tried to get him to reply, the more he needed to hunt… or drink, drink himself to sleep.

Maybe Dean ended up being just like his father after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be all about Castiel


	4. Baleful Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this at 1 am  
> I rushed to finish the chapter so read at your own risk

Casltiel’s soulmate didn’t want him, and considering the bloodstains he often got on his skin, maybe it was a good thing.

Growing up with Dean as his soulmate had been difficult. While other kids in his classroom were drawing, then writing on their skin almost constantly, and getting drawings in return. Castiel didn’t see the point because he barely ever got any answers. Except if weird stains could count as replies. Sometimes Castiel got some kind of black greasy looking stains on his hands, other times it looked like Dean had played around with charcoal powder. The rest of the time Castiel could tell Dean had been cooking, that much he could identify.

And those were only the marks appearing on his skin between the ages of four and seven. Things got even weirder after that. He couldn’t identify every stain but they were many. Castiel first assumed it was paint. Maybe his soulmate was a painter, Castiel innocently thought.

So he wrote on his skin “ _Maybe you should use more colors? Red and black are kinda boring_ ”

Looking back at it, he laughed at his own ignorance. He was eleven years old when he understood what the red paint actually was. That day, Castiel woke up covered in dark red _“paint”._ At first he assumed he was bleeding, but quickly noticed the blood wasn't his. This was Dean’s blood, on dean's skin. Castiel thought his soulmate was dying. He freaked out, there was nothing he could do.

Castiel started scrubbing at his skin, he wanted that color off of his body. He couldn’t stand seeing this disgusting shade of red all over him. He ran in the bathroom and locked himself in. He knew the shower couldn’t help since the marks were not on his skin but it didn’t stop him from trying.

The shower was loud enough to cover his pitiful sobs. Suddenly, the red stains started to vanish. Castiel felt relieved but still couldn’t quite understand what it implied. Was dean alive and taking a shower? Or were the stains gone because he had no soul bond anymore?

He tried to calm his nerves as he got out of the shower. He dressed and went back to his room where he sat on the floor, his back against the side of his bed and his knees against his chest. He took a deep breath in an attempt to gather any courage left in his body, then wrote:

_“are you still alive?”_

He waited, waited, and waited. Castiel had no idea how long he sat there, staring at his wrist with teary eyes. Time had no meaning anymore. His imagination provided him with countless scenarios, each one worse than the last. His body was tense with anticipation.

_“Yes”_

He started crying uncontrollably as relief flooded through him. His soulmate was alive. He was out of breath as his sobs started to mix with laughter. Everything would be fine, Dean was alive, he kept telling himself. He hid his face between his knees and hugged himself as tightly as he could. The sobbing made it hard to breath but it would be okay because dean was alive.

When Castiel felt good enough to move, he lifted himself up and laid on his bed, immobile. His whole body was exhausted. Someone knocked on his door. But he couldn’t find the strength to answer.

“Honey, you’re going to be late for…” his mom had peered inside the room bot stopped immediately as she caught a glimpse of Castiel lying in bed “are you ok sweetheart?”

Castiel shook his head, not feeling up to verbal conversation just yet.

“Oh, what happened… do you want to talk about it?” another shake of his head “ok, I’ll contact your school to tell them you won’t be there today. I’m going to make you some hot chocolate now.”

Castiel smiled. He had the best mom ever.

And for the next few months, he didn’t even think about why Dean had been covered in blood. He was just glad his soulmate wasn’t dead.

But then it started happening more frequently, with such impressive quantities of dark red Castiel was pretty sure the ‘paint’ theory was out the window. He didn’t freak out this time around but he sure as heck started to wonder what the frick was up with Dean.

He started to believe maybe it was a good thing he couldn’t communicate with his soulmate… maybe he was a serial killer or some kind of assassin. Or worse, he could be involved with the mafia! That made sense right? Because Dean was like fourteen. No one became a serial killer or an assassin at fourteen! But if he was born in a Mafioso family, he would probably be trained to become a criminal.

Castiel’s eleven-year-old brain was terrified of Mafioso Dean. What if he told someone, would they send an assassin for him? His blood chilled. He had to keep a low profile, and stop bothering Dean with his futile, everyday-life.

And honestly, the more Castiel grew up, the more he believed in his mafia theory. The black powder he identified as charcoal as a kid… was probably gunpowder. It would also explain why Dean wasn’t in prison for his crimes. He had the support of a criminal organisation.

However, the idea of having a crime lord as a soulmate started getting less and less scary with time. After puberty hit, the idea seemed almost… enticing. So yeah maybe Castiel started getting weird fantasies about having a badass crime lord boyfriend. But who could blame him, the idea was fricking hot. And maybe, as his fear dissipated, he started occasionally writing on his skin again.

Of course, Dean would never answer, so Castiel wasn’t too insistent.

~

Castiel was sixteen when it happened. He was in math class when someone knocked on the door. The school psychologist came in.

“Hi, could I talk to Castiel Novak please?”

Castiel turned to her, then to his teacher, confused about what was happening.

“Take your bag with you” the lady added

Castiel quickly packed his bag and followed her through the school’s empty hallway. Instead of leading him to her office, she started walking to the entrance. "Your dad came to pick you up" she said. Then he noticed his Dad, leaning against a wall his hair ruffled as if he has been pulling at it all day.

“Castiel! Here you are!” Castiel looked at him dumbfounded “It’s mom, she in the hospital right now, a car accident. We have to go”

Castiel didn’t know what to say, he followed his dad to the car. He was speechless, frozen in fear. He couldn’t even open his mouth to ask all the questions burning through his mind. The ride was a blur, one moment he was at school, the next he was standing in front of a hospital room with no memories of how he got there.

His mom was sleeping, a plethora of tubes attached to her body. Castiel faintly registered a doctor saying her state was critical, they didn’t know if she would make it. Castiel sat next to his mom and held her hand for a long time, tears rolling down his cheeks silently.

Someone said something about letting her rest, having to go home. He didn’t want to leave. Castiel had never been so scared in his life. But they had to go. Once again, he had no memory of going back home yet here he was.

On autopilot, he got ready for bed. The room was so quiet it was deafening. He needed help, so he did what felt natural to him… grabbed a pen and started writing on his skin.

Dean didn’t answer, he never did.

So Castiel plead and begged for help. But his prayers were only met with silence.

Ah this point, He was probably hysterically crying, but if he was, he wasn’t aware or if. He started rubbing the words off, angrily. They only reminded him of how lonely he was. He scratched and scrubbed until his skin was numb. He wished everything went numb, he wished he could scratch his feelings off.

He was pathetic.

_“I’m sorry I’m not good enough”_ he wrote. 

And then, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

_“You are perfect”_


	5. Perfect Imperfections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to the lovely people leaving kudos and comments.

_“You are perfect”_

Somehow, those three little words made him feel both elated and angry. _Dean answered-_ he thought lovingly, letting out a sigh of alleviation. _You’re not though –_ his mind added. Because it was true, Castiel was far from perfect. He had anxiety issues and was struggling socially. 

Dean didn’t know anything about him yet he was pretending like he did. It made Castiel resentful and frustrated. Nevertheless, he still felt much better than he did minutes ago.

How come the simplest acknowledgment from dean was enough to ground him back in his own body after hours of trauma induced dissociation. Castiel lightly brushed his fingers against the words on his wrist.

In any other situation, Dean’s reply would have made him smile like an idiot but right now, it was just what he needed to finally relax his body and consider getting some sleep. Castiel looked at the words one last time and hoped they would still be there when he woke up. He curled up in bed and hugged is wrist tightly, the words resting against his heart.

~

Castiel’s mom, Naomi, stayed months in the hospital and he visited her almost every day after school. The damage done to her spine was irreversible and she would probably never be able to walk again, but she was alive.

The fear Castiel had felt when he thought he’d lost a loved one gave him a new outlook on life. He was more open, determined to live life to the fullest and enjoy the company of his friends and family while he still could. Naomi was proud of her son’s resilience and she kept telling him every day how wonderful he was.

Castiel was happy, probably happier than ever before. He was more confident too. The future didn’t scare him as much as it did before and it opened an ocean of possibilities before him. Suddenly, Seattle University wasn’t his only option anymore and he started sending college applications all over the country. He wanted to try new things like living on his own, travel across country and meeting new people.

Even Dean’s silence wasn’t as frightening anymore. Once Castiel stopped believing he wasn’t worthy of his soulmate’s attention, he started writing on his skin more frequently. Mostly stupid things about what he did that day, or about things he liked. Stuff like:

_“Did you know one bee will make only half a teaspoon of honey in its entire life?”_

_“I sent my college applications today”_

_“Burgers make me very happy”_

And sometimes he just randomly doodled little bees and flowers.

Dean never replied but Cas didn’t care. He was probably too busy with his criminal life and didn’t want to involve Castiel in whatever shady business he was in.

With Castiel’s new found confidence came his ability to stand up for himself… against Dean.

Like that one time he had no idea he spent most of his day covered in blood and he wondered why everyone was looking at him. It made Castiel so mad! Why couldn’t Dean take a fricking shower IMMEDIATELY after his murderous activities? Castiel had to walk the school hallways looking like Carrie.

No way in heck he would let Dean get away with this so easily. He thought about the best way to retaliate and came up with the perfect plan.

The next day was a day off for Castiel… so he drew a dick on his forehead and left it there all day for his soulmate to enjoy.

Okay, maybe it was the most childish thing Castiel ever did, but picture this: big badass Mafioso Dean having to do big bad Mafioso things with a fricking dick on his forehead. Castiel found it hilarious. No one would take Dean seriously, he thought. Castiel spend his day giggling and smiling.

–Meanwhile in Lawrence, Kansas Dean was very grumpy because what the fuck! Sam and Bobby however seemed to find Castiel’s humor delightful and they too spent their day giggling at the sight of Dean’s literal dickhead. –

Drawing and writing stupid things on his face became Castiel’s punishment of choice after that. When Dean left dirt or blood in annoying places, he wrote “Assbutt” or “I’m dumb” on his forehead and hoped Dean enjoyed the gift. Sometimes it worked like a charm because it made Dean immediately wash off whatever was staining his skin.

At some point, Castiel even considered letting his hair grow enough to cover his forehead, allowing him to avenge himself even when he had to be out in public.

But then, Dean crossed a line that made Castiel a whole new kind of mad.

That morning, Castiel woke up groggily to the sound of his alarm. His morning routine was slow and included more coffee than should be necessary. _He was so not a morning person,_ he thought as he got ready to shower, cup of coffee still in hand _._ His sight was still foggy as he noticed a dark spot on his chest.

Castiel rubbed his sleepy eyes and wondered what kind of mark Dean had in store for him today. He didn’t even bother looking at his chest twice and just hopped in the shower. He turned on the water and finally noticed the cup still in his hand. Ugh, his precious coffee was now ruined with shower water.

“Really really not a morning person” Cas sighed to himself.

He dropped the cup on the shampoo shelf, knowing full well he would forget it there but couldn’t care less, and resumed showering. As he got out of the shower, feeling fresh and slightly more awake, the sight in the mirror finished waking him up.

He looked at the black spot on his chest, horrified. Was this a fricking tattoo? He leaned closer to his reflection to inspect the design, hoping the texture would be one of a pen marker. It wasn’t.

Castiel saw red.

Dean had gotten a tattoo, and an ugly one at that. It looked like some kind of star inside of a sun, the lines were bold and overall disgraceful. This was something permanent his soulmate inflicted upon his body without asking for Castiel’s permission.

Obviously Dean was not the kind of person who would ask for anyone’s permission but he could’ve at least given him a head’s up. Like “ _hey, fyi, I’m getting tattooed tomorrow_ ”. Castiel clenched his jaw in rage.

This was not the kind of mark he could avenge with a simple drawing on dean’s forehead. For a split second, he seriously thought about getting a dick tattooed on his own face but rapidly realized this plan was highly flawed.

Castiel had never even considered getting inked before but now the idea seemed quite appealing. He could not go headfirst into the nearest tattoo parlor. He would need time to make the right choice, so meanwhile, he decided writing angrily all over his chest would be enough to calm his nerves.

~

A few weeks later, Castiel was finally leaving Seattle to live his next adventure. _Stanford here I come,_ he thought enthusiastically.

As he searched for his room, Castiel’s anxiety resurfaced. What if his roommate was a messy person, or worse, a morning person? What if they didn’t get along and Castiel couldn’t focus on studying? He stood in front his door and considered going back to Seattle. Castiel tried to gather whatever courage he had left and knocked twice with a shaky hand.

As soon as his roommate opened the door, huge smile on his face, Castiel knew everything would be okay.

“Oh! You must be Castiel right?” he nodded “Hi Castiel! I’m Sam, Sam Winchester. Do you need help moving your stuff in?”

Castiel only had a few boxes waiting for him in his car but he accepted Sam’s help anyway. Sam was very tall and had messy brown hair, long enough that some strands fell on his forehead and obscured his eyes. With his bright smile and welcoming body language, he reminded Castiel of a dog.

“Hmmm, Yes! It would be much appreciated. Thank you Sam.”

Sam smiled then turned to his right. “Hey Kevin!” he shouted “My roommate is here! Come help us move him in!”

The door on their right opened as a small Asian with short black hair men came out of his room.

“Castiel, this is Kevin. Kev, this is my roommate Castiel”

They shook hands. Kevin looked friendly and agreed to help them without hesitation.

That evening Castiel was sitting on his bed, eating popcorn while watching Star Wars with Kevin, Sam and Sam’s soulmate, Jessica. Sam and Kevin were arguing about Star Wars vs. Star Trek. Castiel smiled as he remembered how nervous he had been only a few hours ago. He was now looking forward to his new life in California.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas will finally meet in the next chapter :)


	6. It's Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops... smut happened  
> (Also who is Kevin's soulmate tho? I have no idea)

Castiel, Sam, Jess and Kevin were all friends. Everything seemed perfectly fine at first. Except it was not, it never was. Castiel just didn’t know it yet, but this whole thing was already a mess and it was about to get even more complicated.

First of all, because Sammy knew who Castiel was. As soon as he saw his name on their room assignment, he started having doubts. Dean was the one who taught Sam all about soulmates, and while Dean didn’t talk about his own soulmate often, Sammy was a curious kid and he knew how to get information out of his brother. Sammy had used his puppy eyes on Dean more than once. As a kid, he always asked for bedtime stories about soulmates, and sometimes he wanted them to be about dean’s soulmate in particular. And Dean complied because no one could resist Sammy’s puppy eyes.

Castiel was a pretty unusual name after all.

His suspicions were confirmed when Castiel came out of the bathroom shirtless for the first time, sporting an anti-possession tattoo identical to Dean’s. Sam had been in complete shock, what were the odds. Castiel was really nice and he felt bad for him. Sam didn’t know what to do, so he told his soulmate.

“Wait WHAT? Castiel Is Dean’s soulmate? That’s… crazy” Jess shrieked.

Now that Jessica knew, they had reached a new level of complicated. While Sam wanted to keep it secret until he found the right way to deal with this mess, Jess insisted on telling Castiel because he deserved to know the truth.

Sam knew Dean was acting like a dumbass, but deep down he understood his motives. Dean was scared of repeating the pattern set by their parents. He just wanted to keep his soulmate away from monsters and potential death. In a way, Sam was doing exactly the same thing but instead of cutting his soulmate out of his life, he did the opposite. But that was not an option for Dean because his whole identity was based around hunting. Hunts were the only times he felt useful, the only times he had been praised by their dad.

But Sam could not explain this to Jess because she didn’t know about the supernatural. To her, Dean was just an abusive asshole tormenting his soulmate. So they had fights. Nothing too serious, it was almost impossible for two bonded soulmates to stay away from each other for too long anyway. But it created some awkward moments in their friend group.

The second to last level of complicated came in the form of a vampire nest. People started disappearing and bodies, sucked dried or their blood, were found. There was no doubt in Sam’s mind, but he couldn’t do anything about it because he wasn’t a hunter anymore. He had no choice but to call his brother. Sam gave him all the Intel he had gathered.

“Be careful” Sam added.

“Don’t worry about me Sammy, I’m the best there is.” Dean bragged.

“Sure” Sam rolled his eyes “maybe turn down the cockiness , jerk” he laughed.

“I’ll think about it, bitch”

“And don’t forget to come visit me!” Sammy insisted.

“Of course Sammy”

Their conversation ended and Sam started to wonder if he could force Dean to visit him in his dorm, preferably in Castiel’s presence. Maybe it would be too much of a douchebag move, Sam thought, but then again… it could also work.

The last level of complicated was reached a few days later without Sam and Jess even noticing. They were supposed to go on a date, Jess was wearing a flowy dress with a low neckline when she Knocked on Sam’s door. Sam was getting ready so Castiel went to open the door instead.

“Hi Jess! Sam is getting r…” Castiel froze, His eyes drawn to the tattoo under her collarbone.

“I’m here, I’m here” Sam said “Hi Jess” he smiled.

“Hi” Jess blushed as Sam reached for her hand.

Castiel was left forgotten at the door threshold as they waved goodbye without even looking at him.

Castiel went back inside and sat on his bed in silence. Jessica had the same Tattoo, at the same place, which obviously meant Sam did too. If Sam’s last name wasn’t Winchester, it could’ve been a coincidence.

Maybe Sam’s birth name was Dean…Was it possible for one person to have two soulmates? No, it didn’t make sense, If Sam had been his soulmate, the messages he wrote constantly on his skin would also appear on Castiel’s.

But maybe Sam knew Dean, they were probably parents. The tattoo could be a family thing.

Castiel buried his face in his pillow and groaned at the assault of questions running through his brain. Did Sam know about the blood on Dean’s skin? Was Sam somehow involved in this shady business? There was no way Sam could be any kind of criminal. He was a fricking law student, one of the nicest persons Castiel had ever met.

Worst case scenario, Sam and Dean were family, Sam didn’t know Dean was a murderer and Castiel would have to tell one of his best friends about how his family member was a serial killer. Castiel let out a pained sigh. His imagination went wild.

He had to stop thinking about this and wait until Sam came back to confront him. Maybe he was being ridiculous and this was just one very big coincidence. Castiel tried to study but his thoughts were too distracting. He tried sleeping, but he was restless. So he just sat there in the dark for however long. When Sam came back, he made a beeline for the bed.

“Sam. We have to talk” He muttered.

“Sorry, I’m really tired, tomorrow?” Sam was smiling like an idiot, probably still thinking about his evening with Jess.

“No Sam, this is important!” Castiel’s voice sounded hoarse.

“Hum, yeah sure, what’s up?” Sam, worried, sat up on his bed.

“So…” Castiel didn’t know where to start “you have a tattoo” he blurted out.

Sam’s brow furrowed in confusion. He looked at Castiel questioningly, then suddenly raised his eyebrows in surprise. He was like a deer caught in the headlights. It gave Castiel a reason to keep going.

“You have a star tattooed on your chest and your last name is Winchester” Sam’s head lowered to avoid Castiel’s gaze. “You have the tattoo, the name, and you look so fucking guilty right now” Castiel lashed out.

“Dean is my brother, I know he’s acting like a douche but he’s actually a very nice guy” he mumbled.

“YOU, you knew all along but you didn’t tell me anything” Castiel let out a sarcastic laugh. “Are you kidding me?”

“I’m sorry, Cas I…”

“No.” Cas interrupted “You know what no! I don’t want to hear it right now”

His blood was boiling. Sam’s excuses were the last thing he needed right now so he swiftly grabbed his trench coat and stormed off. He walked aimlessly for a while, not sure where to go. Castiel felt lost and betrayed. He shut his eyes and tried to quiet his mind. Sam wasn’t responsible for his brother’s actions, he tried to tell himself. But there was no point in trying to tame his emotions.

As he walked by a bar buzzing with activity, he paused. Castiel was not a fan of the student night life on the campus, the frat parties disgusted him, but this bar seemed like a good place to drink one, or two, or more, cocktails.

Three mojitos later, Castiel finally felt the tension in his shoulders vanish. He looked around at the people dancing, the music was neither obnoxious nor extremely loud. Castiel came to the conclusion that he liked this place a lot, and the barmaid too. Her name was Charlie, and she was very nice.

He liked this place even more when a handsome man with dirty blonde hair sat next to him at the bar. He was dressed with a leather jacket and a dark t-shirt barely hiding his muscular build. The man ordered a beer and Castiel watched, fascinated as his plump lips curled over the neck of the bottle. As if he could sense him staring, the man raised his head and looked directly at Castiel.

He looked straight into him with appealing green eyes. His face was covered in freckles, Castiel felt himself melt at the sight.

“Don’t worry angel, I’m not gonna ask you if it hurt when you fell from heaven” The corners of his mouth lifted in an undeniably flirty smirk.

Castiel was well aware of how ridiculous this - _not_ \- pick up line was but he blushed anyway. His voice was like honey and liquor, sweet and rough around the edges, something stirred inside of Castiel. He kept his eyes down, too embarrassed by his flushed cheeks to meet this guy’s stare.

“What are you drinking?” He continued.

“hmm, sex on the beach? Please” Castiel said tentatively. And honestly, he couldn’t believe he just said that. This man did something to him, his body never reacted this way to anyone before.

His grin widened and Castiel could’ve sworn he saw his pupils dilating.

They’re sipping their drinks in silence when the man asks him about his studies.

“I’m pursuing environmental studies” He internally groans at how uninteresting he is “and you?”

“Oh, I’m not a student here. I’m here for work”

“What do you do?” Cas asked genuinely interested.

“I work for a… security system company, they make me travel all around the place constantly” He sighed “not very interesting”

“You get to travel a lot… that’s cool, I wish I could travel too… maybe in the future”

The man smiled. His hand, previously sitting on Castiel’s knee, traveled up his thigh and was now dangerously close to his groin. Castiel mewled when he tightened his grip where is hand was resting. They were now sitting inches apart, he thought about leaning forward to kiss him. He had started rubbing circles on his legs so close yet so far, the touch maddening, he needed the hand to travel just a little bit higher. Castiel had to stop himself from bucking his hips into the touch, he opened his eyes and pushed the man’s hand away, whimpering at the loss.

Then Castiel did something he never thought himself capable of. He let his finger brush against the dude's hands while staring at him with dark, lust blown eyes before simply walking away, leaving him on edge, his skin prickling with goosebumps. Castiel didn’t even have to turn back to check the man was following him.

Once into the back alley, Castiel was pushed until his back was pressed against the wall. They were hiding in an alcove where no one would be able to see them. The man’s hands resting on his hips and his muscular body pressed against Cas. Their lips met with hunger, and Castiel willingly opened up as the man’s ferocious and dominant mouth worked against his.

He warped his hands around the back of his neck and let himself melt against the man’s body as his mouth traveled down his neck, leaving a trail on possessive kisses from his lips to the small of his neck. Suddenly Castiel felt teeth grazing against his skin and his hips bucked instinctively as he moaned. The pressure only lasted a brief second but he has sure he felt he man’s arousal through his jeans.

Castiel froze but the hands on his hips fell to his ass, and suddenly Castiel gasped as he was pulled flush against the other man’s groin. The heat there was agonizing and he started grinding slowly, taking in the feel of their cocks rubbing against each other through their pants. He couldn’t tell what felt better –the lips kissing hungrily and the teeth nibbling at his neck, or the feel of their dicks growing harder as they rubbed their bodies together, or even the hands playing with his ass, groping and playfully parting his cheeks. Castiel whimpered and reached to touch his lover’s back under his t-shirt.

His nails dug in the man’s back as he gave a particularly hard thrust. His low groans made Cas whimper in satisfaction. Fingers caressed his lower back under his shirt then buried themselves under the waistband of his pants. Castiel’s back arched in surprise as he let out a sob, the fingers slipping between his cheeks made him moan helplessly.

“fuck! if you could hear yourself, you’re so hot” the man growled.

Oh, that voice.

His knees gave out but the man held him in place. Castiel felt like crying at how many layers of clothing there was between them. The man’s lips were working a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear when one of his fingers brushed against Cas' hole. Castiel’s vision went white with pleasure.

“Wait, wait no” he shrieked in surprise.

The man immediately withdrew his hands and he looked at him with concern.

“You okay?”

“Yes, yes, very good! It’s just” Castiel blushed “I’ve never… you know, I don’t usually do these kind of things. I don’t know how to…”

“It’s okay honey, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to”

“I do! I do want to... maybe just not…” Castiel was so embarrassed.

“Not go all the way? ” the man proposed. Castiel nodded. “saving yourself for your soulmate" the man teased, a tinge of pain discernable in his voice "Sure, there’s many ways to finish this, we don’t even have to take our pants off” he smirked.

His hands were now resting on Castiel’s tented pants searching for approval. His hips bucked when the palm pressed harder against the fabric.

“would you like me to take your dick out?”

Castiel nodded frantically, eager to get these hands on his hard cock.

“please,” he begged “yours too” he mumbled

The whisper was barely audible but it was enough for him to take both their dicks out of their uncomfortable clothes. Castiel felt desperate for any kind of friction and squirmed impatiently. He watched as the stranger spat in his palm, and leaned closer, their hardness brushing against each other. Cas let out as sigh as he watched a palm close around both of them. With one long, slow movement of his wrist, the man started stroking their lengths.

Castiel’s brain shut down, his head fell backwards, overwhelmed with lust. This felt so right, yet still not enough. Cas tentatively reached a head between their bodies and started following the man’s movements with his own palm. Their movement became more and more frantic, desperate for relief.

Castiel was a mess, shaking and panting under the man’s touch, barely capable of conscious thought at this point. He never expected to feel so good, the man’s hands knew exactly how to work his body and it felt amazing.

Suddenly, the pressure against their dicks became unbearable, Castiel let out a loud moan as the man groaned in his shoulder and the hand massaging his ass was back,gripping him forcefully. 

“Yes” he cried as he came in the man’s hand, vision going white with pleasure as every muscle in his body clenched. He was gasping for air. Seconds later, the man followed him over the edge, their come mixing on their fists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing smut for the first time is hard, writing smut in your second language is not easy... writing smut for the first time in your second language is a nightmare 😂 sorry about this chapter


	7. Forgiveness and Phone Calls

A walk of shame, this was the best way to describe how Castiel felt while heading back home. He couldn’t believe what happened in a dark back alley, with a complete stranger, for the first time in his life. His mouth twisted in disgust at the feel of his crusty boxers, filthy with their dried come.

 _This was a terrible mistake –_ Castiel thought as he entered his dorm room as quietly as he could, careful not to wake Sam up. _No it was not a mistake, it was perfect –_ a little voice at the back of his head supplied _–it felt right, meant to be_. Surprised at his own thoughts, Castiel had to admit nothing that happened in the back alley felt like a mistake, if anything the mistake had been to part ways without even exchanging phone numbers or anything.

He remembered the man saying he was only here for work, exchanging numbers would’ve been useless as he would probably leave town soon. Castiel sighed with disappointment as he washed the last reminders of what happened off of his body and got ready for bed.

In the morning, Sam tiptoed around his roommate, not sure of what to do or say. He wanted to try and apologize again but he was too scared to dare open his mouth without Castiel’s permission. So he tried to make himself as small and discreet as he could –It didn’t work very well, Sam was a giant- and he started studying silently on his bed.

“Listen I…” Castiel started. Sam froze not knowing what to expect. Castiel continued. “You’re being ridiculous right now. Maybe I can forgive you, I understand your loyalty to your brother and your hesitation to tell me the truth”

Sammy looked hopeful as his eyes met Castiel’s glare.

“I’m not saying I’m not mad!” He quickly added “I’m still… a little mad. But maybe you can start explaining yourself now.”

Sam nodded as he lowered his gaze once again looking like a guilty puppy. He didn’t know where to start. He had to find a way to explain everything to Castiel, leaving out the whole supernatural thing, and not make Dean look like more of an asshole then he actually was. Sam decided the truth –half-truth –was the way to go.

“Our mom died when I was six months old. Dad was… well not the best” he laughed at the irony “You know, he drank a lot, and he left us alone most of the time. Dean wasn’t even five yet and he had to take care of me, take care of the house… well, not house, more like whatever motel rooms we crashed in. Dean was basically a single mom at that point” He smiled at his phrasing, knowing full well his brother wouldn’t enjoy being described as a single mother.

“And you know, dad wanted him to start hun…” Sam paused. “working” he corrected himself. He panicked for a second, not knowing what kind of believable fake job he could come up with this time around. _Half-truths_ –he reminded himself.

“Dad started teaching him about cars when he was six or seven. And at ten Dean already knew how to drive… he’s really clever” Sam smiled faintly, thinking about his brother. “It was bad Cas. I didn't think it was that bad at the time, it was just everyday life for me. But now, as an adult, I know better. It was… horrible, I remember Dean skipping meals so I could eat. He thought I didn’t notice” Sam’s smile turned sour as he held back a sob, his eyes glassy with tears.

“I think he just, didn’t have time to care about himself anymore. So he never wrote on his skin or anything… I don’t really know, he never enjoyed the topics of soulmates.”

Sam paused to look at Castiel, sitting on his bed directly in front on him on the other side of the room.

“By the time we were teenagers, he was probably too deep in it to try and contact you. Or too insecure… I know he’s an asshole and I’m sorry. But when I met you, when I saw the tattoo… I knew who you were but I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, I thought I had to find a way to fix this mess before I told you about it. I’m sorry”

 _I’m the reason why Dean can’t accept his soulmate, Dean was too busy taking care of me –_ A wave of hurt washed over him at the thought. Sam waited for Castiel to reply and searched his face for emotions. His lips were pressed together in a thin line and his jaw locked in tension.

“Okay” Castiel offered.

“Okay ?” Sam asked dumbfounded.

“Yes: okay. I understand your motives” His voice was cold, devoid of emotions.

“So…” Sam tried “We’re good?”

“Well, I guess it depends on your definition of good. I cannot simply brush my anger away… you might need to invest in baked goods more often, bring me some croissants and we will probably meet your definition of ‘ _good._ ’” Castiel finished playfully.

They were ‘ _good_ ’ –Sam smiled with relief.

~

They were both studying in silence, Sam working on his desk with his back to Castiel and Cas reading in bed.

Sam’s monologue gave Cas a new outlook on Dean’s behavior. His imagination was filled with thoughts of Dean: him taking care of his brother selflessly, losing himself in the process, Dean being hurt, hungry and sad but still trying his best to make Sam happy. The feel of Dean’s responsibilities weighed heavy on Castiel’s shoulder, his heart sank as he considered how lonely dean’s childhood must have been.

So what if Dean was an Asshole, he was still deserving of compassion. Castiel felt compelled to help him, make him feel happy, fix him. His imagination wondered what Dean would look like when he felt loved and finally cared for, he pictured a bright smile and green eyes, freckles, dirty blonde hair,…plush lips,… _No_! 

His chest tightened with guilt at the thought of what happened last night. Castiel had finally allowed himself to let go, to experience life without worrying about soulmates. And the next day he started longing for Dean again – _Just his luck!_

He searched the room with his gaze in hope of finding a distraction from the matter at hand, his eyes landed on the marker pens sitting next to his textbooks.

 _“I met Sam Winchester_ ” he wrote on his skin

He knew Dean wouldn’t answer, things might have changed for him but Dean was still the same old Dean. 

“ _Jess too_.” Castiel kept going “ _We’re friends_ ”.

No answer. He went back to reading, slightly disappointed. A few minutes later, the loud ringtone of Sam’s cell phone broke the silence in the room.

~

_“I met Sam Winchester_

_Jess too._

_We’re friends”_

Dean tensed, blinded by a thick rage making it impossible to think clearly. The anger burned its way through his chest. His fist locked firmly by his side as a bitter taste filled his mouth. What kind of games were Cas and Sam playing? Did Sam purposefully seek to meet Cas?

He rested his head in his hands, trying to calm down, the heat in his chest ready to explode. _Not jealous –_ He thought to himself. He impulsively grabbed his phone and dialed Sam’s number. Dead didn’t even give his brother time to say hi, as soon as he picked up, dean roared in anger.

“What the hell Sam?”

“What?” Sam was confused “Is this about the case i gave you? Are you already…”

“Shut it!” Dean interrupted. “You know damn well what this is about!”

“No I don’t Dean, you’re gonna have to use your words.”

“Oh well, why don’t you ask your ‘ _friend_ ’ then?” Dean was met with silence. “Castiel Fucking Novak!” he added.

 _Oh!_ –Sam tensed and turned to look at Castiel on the other side of the room. His friend shrugged and mouthed a quiet “ _sorry_ ” as he held up his wrist. From where he was, Sam could discern his name in Castiel’s handwriting. No wonder Dean was mad.

“Listen, it’s not my fault: we’re roommates. What was I supposed to do? Ask to change rooms just because ‘ _Castiel_ ’ was a suspicious name? Or avoid him altogether?”

Dean didn’t care much for his brother’s smug tone.

“I don’t know. Probably not befriend the fucking guy!” he barked.

“Well I’m sorry you got your head shoved so far up your ass that I got to meet your soulmate before you did. Now… Hey Castiel! Wanna say hi to dean?” Sam’s voice changed as he turned his head away from his phone.

Dean hung up too late. He heard the voice in the background.

“Hi dean” the voice was shy but curious.

Dean was lost. His heart was pounding erratically in his throat, it felt like pure adrenaline had been injected right through his veins. The voice brushed over him and left his skin tingling all over and his body flushed with heat.

Dean had never felt so close to his soulmate. He became painfully aware of the bond currently blooming in his chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. Still, it made him feel at home, burning with pleasure.

Dean felt his mouth go dry as he noticed the butterfly in his stomach. _No!_ –He thought. These feelings had to be repressed at all costs, Dean knew allowing himself to hope would only bring him more pain and sorrow. He felt himself shatter as he mentally pushed away all thoughts of Castiel. His world collapsed at the loss. His body went cold and numb but the waves of burning pain kept coming and going through his guts.

Dean felt the need to punch something.

He decided hunting was the cure to all his problems, so he threw himself headfirst into that vampire nest Sammy told him about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> Hope you enjoyed, next chapter should be posted tomorrow.  
> Thanks again for the kudos and comments, they make my day.


	8. Vampires and Shit

Castiel couldn’t believe he was hearing Dean’s voice through Sam’s cell phone. It was muffled as it processed through the speaker and he couldn’t quite make out the words from where he was but it still made him smile like an idiot.

Sam had even asked him to say hi to Dean, and it had made his heart fill with happiness. He had been disappointed when Dean immediately hung up but things were good. He was so close to actually meeting his soulmate, the closest he ever had been.

The friend group decided it was time to celebrate the end of their ‘we’re lying to cas’ phase (Kevin had no idea what they were actually celebrating but it didn’t matter to him as long as he got free drinks). So that night, Castiel took them to the little bar –the roadhouse –he enjoyed so much last time. Sam and Jess were dancing while Kevin and the barmaid –Charlie –had a conversation about languages and coding.

Castiel probably shouldn’t be thinking about the green eyed man he met last time, especially not when he was so close to meeting his soulmate, but he couldn’t help himself. He scanned the place, looking for a certain someone, but turned his attention back to his geeky friends when he noticed his silly behavior.

“I’m self-taught” Charlie was saying “I don’t do very well with hierarchy and authority.”

“It’s impressive!” Kevin stated.

“Thanks kiddo, I’m a wee bit obsessive… if ‘ _wee bit_ ’ means completely” she laughed “so I started learning about computers and next thing I knew, I was hacking into the pentagon!...That’s just a metaphor, I didn’t actually hack into national security.” she added with an obviously fake smile plastered on her face. “Anyway, my point is: you lost your phone and you need to trace it? I’m your girl!” She pointed at herself happily.

“Did I hear someone talk about hacking into the pentagon?” Sam interrupted playfully, Jess laughing besides him. “Hi, I’m Sam, Law student” he introduced himself seriously. He let down his act when he saw Charlie’s scared look and they all broke into a fit of laughter.

They talked for a while, Charlie told them a funny story about being drunk at comic-con, and they all got along very well. When Kevin asked Charlie if she had to go back to work, she informed them her girlfriend –soulmate- owned the place and pointed to a small blonde girl at the bar. Before the evening was over and the bar had to close, Jess suggested a movie night next Friday.

“So…take out? Sleepover?” Charlie asked “Braid each other’s hair?” she continued.

At the exact same moment, Jess said “And braid Sam’s hair”. They looked at each other in awe.

“Did we just become best friends?” Charlie smiled.

~

The next day, Castiel woke up alone in his dorm room, Saw was spending the weekend at Jess’ place.

Castiel went through his usual morning routine, drank his first cup of coffee while preparing his second cup of coffee, then headed up to the bathroom with his second cup of coffee in hand. In the bathroom mirror, Castiel was met with _Carrie: the remake,_ his body covered with red stains. He rarely saw that much blood on himself, usually the bloodstains wouldn’t be bigger than his palm.

He shivered uncomfortably as he remembered how his eleven-year-old self had scrubbed his skin frantically as he thought his soulmate was dead.

“Ugh…” he sighed to himself “thank god it’s Saturday”

At noon, Castiel didn’t feel like ingesting anything even though he had not eaten yet. He could still see the blood on his arm and was growing annoyed with it.

“ _Wash up please_ ” he wrote on his arm.

But the blood didn’t wash up and it pissed him off so he decided to go for his usual tricks and wrote “Hey Assbutt” with a shaky hand (mirrored writing on your own face wasn’t easy)

He had been covered in blood for almost twelve hours when he started to genuinely worry. What if Dean was actually hurt this time around? He didn’t even think about how to bring up the whole ‘ _your brother is covered in blood_ ’ thing before he started dialing Sam. He was met with a voice telling him to leave a message so he tells him about being worried, about the blood and the feeling of imminent danger in his gut.

Castiel sat on his bed for a while, his legs anxiously shaking, when he remembered Charlie saying something about being able to trace phones. He didn’t have Dean’s number so he tried contacting Sam again, the worry building up in his chest and fogging his mind as he listened to the voice telling him to leave a message.

He told Sam’s voicemail about Charlie and when he hung up, he drowned in a wave of fear: What if Sam didn’t check his phone until too late. Now wasn’t the time or place for tears, Castiel needed to take action. He started by asking Charile for help, and while she was on her way to their dorm, he looked through Sam’s stuff, hoping to find some kind of agenda or address book that could contain Dean’s number.

Thankfully, Sam arrived shortly afterwards alerted by Cas’ voicemail, followed directly by Charlie.

“What the absolute fuck?” She shrieked when she saw Castiel’s red stained skin. “gosh, I understand why you sounded so worried. I’m gonna need his phone number”

Sam proceeded to give her the number and sat next to Cas while she got to work.

“Don’t worry, He’s gonna be okay, I’m sorry that you have to live with this.”

Sam tried to reassure him, a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, but it didn’t work.

“What do you think happened to him?” Castiel asked.

“Castiel,…” He lowered his head “I can’t answer this, especially not now. It’s…”

“Gotcha!” Charlie exclaimed and pointed at the screen. “It’s only twenty minutes away from here.” She gave them the coordinates and Sam was out the door as soon as she was done.

Castiel quickly stood up and tried following him, he had to sprint to catch up.

“You’re not coming with me” Castiel looked at him in shock, but he continued “No way in hell. Dean would kill me for putting you in danger”

“Sam, this is ridiculous, we’re talking about MY soulmate here. And he’s probably in danger, I’m not about to sit here, doing nothing.”

“And it’s my brother we’re talking about. He’s gonna be fine, I’ll make sure of it but meanwhile, you’re gonna stay here with Charlie, and call me if Dean happens to change location” Sam sighed before offering the final blow, knowing he was about to be harsh and hurt his friend but he had to make sure Castiel stayed safe. “You would only slow me down anyway.” He left.

Castiel was in shock as he walked back to his dorm. Sam was right, he had no idea what was happening with Dean but apparently Sam knew everything. He didn’t even appear surprised by the stains on his skin.

Charlie was still sitting in front of her laptop when he entered the room and sat on his bed in silence. Suddenly, she was by his side, handing him a hot cup of tea. Castiel had not even noticed her turning on the kettle and moving around the room.

He was so worried it felt like his mind was floating miles away from his bod, yet he could still feel his hands shaking. Charlie forced him to drink the hot and sweet liquid in an attempt to bring him back to reality, and did everything she could to reassure him while still checking Dean wasn’t moving.

Meanwhile, Sam was getting closer to the coordinates. The road led him to a grim and probably abandoned warehouse. He parked the car far enough not to be heard and walked silently around the building, machete in hand. Hunting vampires alone was dangerous, but not impossible, the Winchesters had done it successfully multiple times.

However, doing it with almost not preparation was terribly reckless, Sam knew it but he had no other choice. He couldn’t waste time trying to figure out how many they were or pick the best time to attack, the only way he could keep the upper hand was to rely on surprise.

The backdoor was easy enough to open, nothing that could resist a credit card. Sam carefully peeked inside: the room was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust but he could see multiple bodies on the right of the room, while two silhouettes were standing on the other side. No, not standing actually, one of them was tied by their wrist and hanging to some kind of big meat hook. Probably Dean! He was guarded by only one vampire, easy enough.

Sam stepped inside, making as little noise as possible, unfortunately for him the door creaked as it closed. In an instant, the vampire was on him, his arm around his’s throat. Sam violently pulled the arm down, not leaving his enemy time to think. It gave him enough room to pivot with his left foot and escape underneath the vampire’s arm. With his left hand still firmly locked on the monster’s wrist, Sam struck two consecutive blows with the handle of his blade, as fast as he could: One to the stomach, one to the face and finally, he brought the vampire’s head down as he violently kicked his knee into the guy’s face.

The vampire took a step back, probably more in shock then in pain, but Sam seized the opportunity and swiftly swung his machete, beheading him. With no time to loose, Sammy ran to his brother and freed his wrists. Dean was conscious, which was a good thing. Sam helped him walk back to the car. They had to leave quickly to avoid running into any other vampires.

Once they were in the car, Dean mumbled the address of his motel and Sam started driving.

“What the hell happened?”

“Four vampires, I killed two, but the other two got out of nowhere and attacked me. I think they wanted to turn me so they kept me alive”

Sam signed, annoyed at his brother’s recklessness but he didn’t say anything until they were at the motel and were finished tending to Dean’s wounds, some of them needed stitches but Sam knew how to take care of that.

“Castiel saved your life” He started “He called me to tell me about an excessive amount of blood on his skin, he was completely panicked Dean! He even called someone to geolocalise your phone!” Sam snarled.

“I’m sorry” Dean said, keeping his eyes down.

“You better be! I swear Dean, you can’t keep doing this to Castiel. And you better thank him for this, I swear, or I’ll… ugh” He didn’t even bother finish his sentence.

“Sure, I’ll… I’ll thank him” Dean’s voice was filled with remorse, hurting Cas was the last thing he wanted. “I’ll send him flowers or something” He tried to joke, attempting to hide behind a façade of indifference, but Sam could see right through it.

Sam left Dean to rest and, as soon as he was out the door, he called Castiel to tell him everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I try to cut down on the plot to focus on writing more Dean/Cas stuff in the next chapters?  
> I feel like this is getting out of hand plotwise


	9. Asshole Soulmate

As soon as Dean finished washing the blood off of his skin, he started thinking about the right way to thank Cas. He seriously considered sending him some kind of thank you note but it was probably not appropriate considering the guy had saved his life and Sam would beat his ass if he did something so basic. He considered sending flowers or even pie.

Dean was so used to never writing on his skin, it took him way too long to realize the most obvious answer was that simple. He didn’t think about it twice, even though he spent his entire life avoiding it, getting his life saved by his soulmate seemed like a good reason to make an exception. He could always go back to ignoring him afterwards anyway.

However, as he reached for the motel’s ballpoint pen on the bedside table, he started feeling self-conscious. This definitely wasn’t good enough for Cas, he needed to up his game. So instead, he reached for his backpack, where he kept multiple drawing pens he mostly used in his hunting journal to draw and write about any new monsters he ran into.

His stomach suddenly knotted up as he got ready to write. Was a simple 'thank you' good enough? Was _he_ good enough? He decided to brush these feeling away and just went for it.

 _“Thank you”_ He started writing “ _You kinda saved my life”_

No answer. Dean didn’t know if Cas was ignoring him or if he just didn’t notice the writing on his skin yet but Dean decided to keep going.

“ _And I’m sorry_ ” he paused to think about all the things he was sorry about. “ _about the stains on your skin. Sam told me you were worried… I’m sorry I caused you trouble, I didn’t mean to_ ”

Typical Dean Winchester: feeling bad when people cared about him because he wasn’t worth it.

“ _I’m not even going to ask what happened yet, this is too much for one evening.”_ Cas was writing back. Dean suddenly felt lighter, as if a weight he wasn’t even aware of was lifted from his shoulders. “ _but please don’t do this again, I can’t handle this_ ” Cas said.

His heart filled with guilt. He was causing pain to his soulmate. Dean chastised himself. He was probably the worst soulmate ever, even without meeting or ever talking to Cas, he still managed to hurt him. Castiel deserved so much better.

“ _I’ll be careful not to get blood on my skin next time_ ”

Dean didn’t even know how infuriating this was to Castiel.

“ _That is NOT what I meant!_ ” He wrote “ _It’s not that I don’t want to see blood on my skin, I just don’t want you to get hurt, I want you to stay safe and be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt, Dean, because I worry about you”_

Dean’s chest tightened as a wave of emotions washed over him. He felt a great happiness at the thought of Cas caring about him, Cas wanting him to stay safe, but somehow, the happiness brought out even more guilt and self-hatred. A part of himself screamed at him to push Castiel away because this felt a lot like his soulmate wanted him to stop hunting and it wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Dean was a hunter, it defined his whole life and without it he would be useless. Hunting was his only way to feel like he did good. It was a way to make up for everything he ever did wrong and make himself feel worthy again.

_“well, I’m used to this, I ain’t gonna break,_ _so stop worrying about me”_

Dean was angry with Cas, but mostly angry with himself, and his anger only grew when he saw Castiel’s reply.

_“I can’t”_

Dean turned off the light and decided it would be best to go back to ignoring Cas.

_~_

_“I can’t”_

Castiel couldn’t simply stop worrying about Dean, he was his soulmate dammit! He went to bed angry with Dean, determined to get more answers out of him tomorrow, after a much needed night of rest.

So the next morning, he drank an unusually copious amount of coffee –his own version of liquid courage- and, pen in hand, he got ready to confront Dean.

 _“Why were you covered in Blood?”_ he asked. Dean took a long time to answer.

_“I cannot tell you”_

_“I literally saved your life yesterday, I think I deserve to know”_

_“I was covered in blood because I got hurt”_

Dean was avoiding the topic at hand… Castiel sighed with annoyance.

_“Why were you hurt?”_

_“Cause I fought”_

_“Why?”_

_“Can’t tell you”_

_“WHY??”_ Castiel was getting angrier with each of dean’s reply.

 _“It would be dangerous_ ”. After a moment Dean added: “ _I don’t want you to be in danger”_

Okay, Castiel’s heart skipped a beat, he could work with that. Dean just admitted he cared about him and the air around him grew thick with a tenderness that couldn’t help but make him smile in delight.

_“I don’t want you to be in danger either Dean”_

_“I have to, It’s what I do”_

_“Do you kill people?”_

Castiel had hesitated before asking this question but he had to know. He tensed with anticipation, not knowing how he would react to Dean’s answer.

“ _No!_

_Yes_

_Kinda?_

_Not really”_

Dean paused between each line. Well that was confusing. Castiel wasn’t sure how to interpret that, but his brain went back to his “organized crime” theory. He decided to add one more question.

“ _Do they deserve it?”_

_“They do”_

Castiel didn’t know Dean but he still trusted him with all his heart. He relaxed and gave Dean a sign of acceptance in the form of one single word. It was all he could do right now.

“Okay”

The next few days passed in a blur, Dean was back to ignoring him but Castiel didn’t mind this time around because he was doing the exact same thing. He needed time to stomach everything that happen and take his decisions…

But who was he trying to fool? He knew damn well his decision was already taken. Dean low-key admitted to killing people and it was weird, but he also said these people deserved it and to be honest, Castiel trusted him. He couldn’t care less about what Dean did or who he killed. He only cared about Dean and his well-being.

That’s how three days later, Castiel was already back to writing on his skin but to his deception, Dean wasn’t writing back.

It made him sick with sadness and resentment. He couldn’t handle the loneliness Dean’s silence was putting him in. He felt so miserable about it that on Friday morning, he decided to text his friend group to cancel their movie night. Sam had been disappointed at first and insisted Castiel had to come but he quickly gave up.

That evening, Sam asked him one last time “you sure you don’t want to come?” but he knew damn well Castiel wasn’t about to change his mind. Sam had better plans for him, Castiel just didn’t know it yet.

Castiel felt particularly angry that evening, his skin itching with the need to connect with Dean.

 _“Hey,”_ he wrote _“could you please answer? I saved your fucking life!”_

He was mentally screaming at Dean, his rage bubbling up in his body until he burned with the need to hurt Dean. It was stupid, he told himself, but he wanted to get back at his soulmate, so he walked to the bathroom, determined, and wrote the first thing he could think about on his forehead.

_“Aƨƨhole Ƨoulmate”_

Mirrored writing wasn’t easy. He noticed the backward ‘S’ but he couldn’t care less. It didn’t stop the message from getting the point across anyway. A few minutes later, someone knocked on his door – Just his luck! Castiel decided against washing the text on his forehead off, whoever was at the door would have to deal with him looking like a crazy person.

~

Dean’s phone rang. It was a text from Sammy.

“I have something to show you about a hunt, Come to my dorm tonight, Castiel won’t be there”

Dean was worried so he immediately agreed. Was this about the vampire nest? He was still in town because he knew at least one of them got away and they were probably more. He parked the impala in front of Sam’s dorm building and walked through the hallways hurriedly. A few people looked at him weird and he started to feel out of place, probably too old and too stupid to be just another student.

He knocked and an angry looking man opened the door. Was this the wrong room? Dean asked himself.

But his thought immediately cut-off as he recognized the man. They had shared a damn good time in an alley behind a bar a week or so ago, maybe they could try that again tonight. Dean was about to put on his most flirty smile when he noticed the recognition in the man’s beautiful blue eyes. The dude was staring back and forth between Dean’s eyes and his forehead.

That’s when it dawned on him: this wasn’t the wrong dorm! This was a fucking set up!

Dean was currently standing in front of his soulmate, the same guy he nailed in a back alley last week.

He started to panic. He had to get away because it was the only way to protect Cas from the monsters… to protect his soulmate from him. Dean had his eyes glued on the floor when he tried to pretend like this was a mistake and mumbled something about this being the wrong room, but as he tried to take a step back, Castiel grabbed his arm.

Dean raised his head in surprise. That’s when he noticed the ink on Cas forehead… which meant his own forehead was reflecting the same words back at Castiel and there was no use pretending Dean was just another student. He already knew.

The words on Castiel’s face both hurt and made him smile.

_“Aƨƨhole Ƨoulmate”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are they going to react?  
> I have no idea yet. Once again I'm at the end of the plot I had planned.   
> But I hope we'll get more smut in the next chapter, somehow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just smut, skip if you want.

“Please don’t leave”

All the anger vanished from Castiel’s face and his hand started traveling up Dean’s arm holding on to him as if his life depended on it. Dean’s desire to flee was thrown out the window and replaced with the need to reassure his soulmate. He wanted to touch Cas so bad he couldn’t stand it.

“I won’t.” Dean whispered.

The look of hope in Castiel’s eyes was enough to make Dean forget every reason why they had to stay away from each other. Instead he just wanted to take care of him, make him happy and satiated in every possible way, writhing in pleasure until he forgot his own name. Dean needed to prove himself worthy of the beautiful man in front of him and worship him until Castiel blessed his sins away.

“Guess you didn’t have to do the whole ‘ _save yourself for your soulmate_ ’ thing the other day” He joked playfully but immediately realized what he just said. He tried to find something nice to say, anything that could relieve the tension currently buzzing between them. “No wonder you were such a good lay since you’re my…” He didn’t even finish his sentence, internally face-palming.

 _Shit!_ What kind of asshole said stuff like that? Dean just wanted to break the ice but apparently being around Castiel made him forget how to smooth talk. He felt so embarrassed he wanted to hide somewhere and never come out.

His thoughts were interrupted by Castiel’s lips smashing into his and dean felt like he just left this plane of existence. Something inside him exploded the moment he tasted Cas’ soft and sweet lips, filling him with heat and contentment. Just like last time, his body flushed with need but this time was different in so many ways.

Being aware of who Cas was made him feel possessive. _Mine, mine, mine._ His mind screamed on repeat, and while this made him want to brutally claim everything he could from Castiel, touch every inch on his skin and leave marks everywhere for everyone to see. Dean also felt compelled to give Cas everything he could, make him moan and come until he was just a boneless mess, clean him up and warp Cas in his protective embrace.

Dean had always been an attentive lover, caring of his partner’s pleasure but this was completely different. Dean felt the need to surrender everything to his soulmate, the only purpose of his body and his mind were to bring Cas more pleasure and he could lose himself in the process, it didn’t matter because, in this moment, Cas was his entire universe.

Dean moved one hand down to hold onto Castiel’s waist and the other up to grip his hair. 

After all these years of loneliness, Cas wanted anything Dean could give him and more because it made him feel like he belonged. Finally being acknowledged, the bond in his chest grew with happiness, bright and beautiful.

Cas belonged to Dean.

He needed Dean to claim his body and make him his, he needed to give Dean control so he went pliant in his arms and let himself feel owned in the protective embrace. He hummed into the kiss and his lips parted willingly, surrendering to Dean’s demanding mouth.

Dean was delighted by the noise his soulmate made when he tightened his grip in his hair and lightly pulled, not enough to hurt but apparently enough to make Cas whimper and buck his hips in desire.

“HEY! GET A ROOM!” A voice interrupted them.

They both jolted and took a step back in surprise. Castiel smiled at him and pulled him inside the room, closing the door behind them.

“Maybe we should talk” Dean tried.

He had no desire to talk right now but they would eventually have to, and he was trying to be a gentleman.

“You really want to… Talk? “

Castiel’s voice was quiet, barely audible, and seductively shy. His head was lowered, eyes glued to the ground, and he held his hands behind his back. Dean froze at the sight and his heart skipped a beat. Castiel was the sexiest thing he ever saw… was he even aware of what he did to him. Dean growled and had to stop himself from taking Cas right here and now.

Castiel was now looking at him through his eyelashes, head still lowered to the ground. _Fuck!_ He looked so willing, almost… submissive in a way and it roused the beast inside Dean. – _Mine, mine, take_ – it roared.

“I thought you would want to do something else… to me”

Castiel was clearly hesitant, Dean could tell he was out of his comfort zone but it made him so much more tempting. Dean couldn’t resist anymore, as soon as the words had left Cas’ lips, he was on him, ferociously lifting him up and sitting him on the desk. Castiel eagerly wrapped is legs around him.

Their lips were back on each other’s when Dean started sliding his hands underneath the hem of Cas’ shirt, traveling up his torso and brushing against his nipples. The touch made Cas whimper and his head rolled backwards, hitting the wall. Dean took the opportunity to break free from his mouth and started pressing wet kisses down his neck.

He sucked Cas’ skin with hunger, determined to leave marks on his skin this time around. When he found that sensitive place behind his ear, Castiel let out a whine and arched his back, using his hands to lift his hips up and closer to Dean’s groin.

“Dean!” he whispered.

“It’s okay baby, I got you”

And suddenly Dean was pulling Castiel’s t-shirt up and over his head, His mouth kissing and sucking every inch of Cas’ skin, teeth grazing against his nipples. He kept moving downwards, leaving a hot trail of kisses down Castiel’s stomach until he reached his waistband.

Suddenly, his hands were opening Cas’ jeans and Dean’s face was pressed against crotch as he started mouthing at his dick through the boxer’s fabric.

Castiel let out a beautiful cry and his hand flew upwards in search of something to hold onto but landing palms flat against the wall instead.

“Dean… I need… more, you” He panted.

His voice was so gorgeous like this, made hoarse and shaky by Dean’s ministrations. He sucked the tip of Cas’ cock one last time through the underwear before lifting himself up again, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s muscular back, face buried in his neck.

“I’ll give you anything you need Cas, just tell me what you want” he teased.

“You, please Dean” Castiel mumbled.

“What about me baby? Do you want my mouth on your dick? Do you want us to jack each other off just like last time?”

“No!” He cried “I need...” Castiel struggled one last time to find the right words, slowly growing frustrated with Dean’s teasing. But then, he spoke with determination, keen on getting what he needed from his soulmate: “I want you inside me Dean, I want to mark me as yours and fuck me deep and rough until you come inside me”

“Anything for you Cas” Dean smiled.

Dean hurriedly took off his own shirt then lifted Cas up to bring him to bed. Cas sighed at Dean’s demonstration of strength. Being manhandled like this made him feel safe and protected, he was Dean’s thing to play with, his to keep and protect forever and he felt accepted as Dean’s soulmate.

Dean laid him on the bed and slowly resumed undressing both of them. He looked at Cas, asking for permission and Castiel lifted his hips, allowing him to pull his pants down. They were finally naked, Dean’s body on top of him, pressed between his legs.

They looked at each other in awe, Castiel getting lost in the green eyes before him when Dean started slowly grinding their hips together. Castiel’s eyes fluttered closed and he gasped at the feeling of their cock touching.

 _Oh god, yes_. This was exactly where he was meant to be. Dean’s cock was beautiful, his flesh already glistening with precome… _and big-_ he whimpered at the thought.

The heat of Dean between his legs combined with the weight of his body on top of him made something flutter inside Cas. He was too far gone to do anything more than groping Dean’s back while his hips gave instinctive little jerks, searching for more friction. But judging by Dean’s low groans, it was enough.

Dean rested his hands on his hips and in a swift move, he flipped him over. Castiel was on now laying on his stomach. Dean kissed the back of his neck furiously, occasionally nibbling on his skin and Cas arched his back in surprise. He gasped at the feel of Dean’s length brushing against his ass, already thinking about what would come next.

Slowly, Dean kneded his ass, playing with it until he parted his cheeks. The cold air at his entrance made Castiel bite his lips and soon enough, a finger brushed against his hole. Cas whined in anticipation and lifted his ass, eager for more.

“Please tell me you have lube”

“Bedside table” Castiel mumbled.

Castiel whimpered at the loss and he pushed his hips back, longing for Dean’s touch. Thankfully, Dean didn’t waste any time, he was already back on the bed and next thing he knew, Cas had a very wet finger circling his entrance.

Castiel heart was pounding, the feeling was new and he shivered in anticipation. Suddenly, the finger was pushing against him until Dean had one knuckle inside him.

“Oh! Dean!”

Castiel started pushing back against the finger, hungry for more and it was enough for Dean to start pushing is finger in and out. Castiel thought he was used to the feeling but the next second, he shattered with pleasure as Dean found his prostate. The finger began to stroke and rub against Cas’ sweet spot and it made him crazy with want.

“Please, I need you inside”

Dean shushed him.

“You’re not ready for that sweetheart, be patient”

Castiel gasped as a second finger breached his entrance adding a little pain to the pleasure already flooding his senses. Dean kept playing with his hole, adding another finger and pumping them in and out, playfully teasing his prostate until Cas was a whimpering mess, tears in his eyes.

“Please, please Dean” he begged unintelligibly.

Cas cried at the loss when the fingers left him, suddenly feeling so empty, his gaping hole clenching erratically around nothing, but soon enough Dean’s tip was pressed at his entrance.

“You ready?”

Castiel pleaded incoherently and tried to push his hips back against Dean but the man had a strong grip on his hips. Once again, he flipped Castiel over.

“I want to see you” Dean groaned, his eyes dark with lust.

With one slow and beautiful stroke, dean pushed in, breaching him open. Castiel sobbed at the stretch but the soreness was soon forgotten in an ocean of pleasure, the tingling feeling of pain only highlighting every sensation. Castiel already felt full with Dean’s head inside him, but the feeling kept building up as Dean continued pushing in until his balls came in contact his Cas’ ass. Castiel moaned, he finally had Dean’s beautiful cock buried deep inside him, filling him up so good he felt like he was about to split open.

Castiel lost control of his body when Dean started moving. He felt overwhelmed, something building inside him, the feeling was too much yet not enough. Dean’s thrusts got faster and faster, Cas hips erratically bucking up to meet Dean’s and crying out every time he nailed his prostate.

“Dean! Yes!” Castiel sobbed.

Dean was rough, Cas liked it, He was fucking into him fast when he grabbed Cas’ legs and put them on his shoulder. The new angle allowed him to hit the spot with every push of his hips. It made Cas scream in surprise. He gasped for air when the pleasure got unbearable, overflowing every inch of his body as his vision went white. Cas came untouched between them, his dick twitching erratically, but Dean wasn’t done.

He was still thrusting hard and fast inside him. He grabbed Castiel’s softening cock and started stroking him slowly. Cas cried at the overstimulation, tears running down his cheeks, but his hips kept shuddering unpredictably, as if they didn’t know whether to search for more friction of run away from it. Dean’s movement grew erratic and his groans louder.

“Oh, yes! Dean, so good!” Castiel cried.

And then Dean was coming, filling him up with hot waves of come. It was enough to push Cas over the edge once again, and he came crying Dean’s name.

Cas wasn’t even capable of conscious thoughts anymore, he was floating away, riding the aftermath of his orgasms. He registered Dean’s weigh against him, his sweaty skin pressed against his body and he felt at peace. He grimaced when Dean had to pull out but stayed silent, eagerly pressing his whole being against Dean.

Finally Castiel was where he was meant to be, in Dean's arms. His eyes slowly closed, they could deal with everything else later, right now, Castiel wanted to stay here forever and forget about anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want me to keep writing this story ^^  
> or if I should just leave it there.


	11. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is late, but i'm back.

When he woke up, Dean felt a warm body pressed against his. His grip around Cas waist tightened and he sighed. Dean had never been this relaxed in his life, it felt like floating outside of his own body, surrounded by his soulmate’s delicate sent. Everything felt perfect, meant to be, and a strong sense of belonging made Dean forget why he had to stay away from Castiel in the first place.

With Cas’ back flush against his chest and their bodies perfectly fitting into one another’s, Dean felt like his embrace would be enough to protect his soulmate from the outside world. In his current state of bliss, his devotion surrounded them, forming an indestructible shield between them and the monsters lurking outside. But as his mind, still foggy with sleep, started clearing up, the realization of what he’d done dawned on him.

His sole presence could put Cas in danger, and he didn’t deserve this beautiful man anyway. He had tainted Cas’ life with his touch and his departure would hurt both of them. He would hurt Castiel. His guts churned with dread at the thought and the sour taste of self-hatred filled his mouth.

Dean sulked, this was heaven but he couldn’t afford to stay. Cas deserved to be safe and happy and Dean would sacrifice anything for him. Getting out of that bed felt like ripping his own heart out but he had to get away or his panic would take over. Dean was fully aware this night had ruined him and he would never be able to stop thinking about Castiel. Dean would never feel at peace without his soulmate anymore, he could never be with anyone else, never be happy, and his loneliness would probably crush whatever was left of his soul. But it didn’t matter because anything was better than the prospect of Cas dying because of him.

Dean tried to get dressed silently, but apparently Castiel was a heavy sleeper and nothing could wake him up. He basically ran out of the room and headed straight out to his impala, trying to put as much distance between them even though each step felt like he got stabbed in his chest. His guilt became unbearable. Dean didn’t know what was worse, feeling guilty because he had broken his promise to let his soulmate live freely without him; or the remorse he felt for abandoning Cas like a coward.

He got to his car but he didn’t find it in himself to start the engine, instead he just sat there for a while, head in his hands. The pain was too much for Dean and the thought of Castiel feeling this same pain currently cutting through his guts make him sick. he didn’t know how to make it stop…. 

Actually, he knew.

~

Castiel woke up alone, his bed still smelling like Dean. He took a while to open his eyes but as soon as he acclimated to the morning light, he searched the room for Dean. Maybe he was in the bathroom…

Castiel didn’t even have to check to know his soulmate wasn’t in the bathroom; he was just being delusional, holding on to the hope that Dean actually wanted him.

_Dean left._

Castiel stayed in bed, he didn’t have the energy to get up. Instead, he bathed in what was left of Dean’s sent, the messy bed serving as a physical reminder of what happened last night. Castiel took advantage of his last moments of sleepy drunkenness to submerge himself in the memory of Dean’s prefect touch, Dean’s skin and mouth against his body. For a second, Castiel’s world revolved around Dean and nothing else mattered… except his soulmate wasn’t there.

_Dean doesn’t want you._

The voice in his head started whispering, maliciously. Castiel couldn’t move, his body tensed in pain. The wave of loneliness washed over him and he started drowning in his own mind.

_You’re not enough, you’re broken._

He felt like these thoughts were choking him. He hadn’t felt so little and powerless in years. Castiel knew he should be angry, mad at Dean for his ridiculous behavior, but he couldn’t find the confidence to stand up for himself right now. Instead, is self-worth was the lowest it ever had been.

He had no idea how long he stayed there, silently laying on his bed, still naked under his bed sheets when the door creaked open. Probably Sammy coming back from Jess’ place, Castiel had no energy to even pay attention to him.

“I got coffee, and baked goods… they didn’t have pie though.”

This wasn’t Sam’s voice. Castiel’s eyebrows rose in surprise and he quickly got up, almost tripping over his own feet.

“I thought you’d left” he exclaimed.

He ran up to Dean and punched his shoulder before burying himself in his soulmate’s body with relief. With his head pressed against Dean’s neck, Castiel couldn’t see the sadness that filled Dean’s eyes and the guilt in the way his lips twisted, pressed in a thin line.

“I’m sorry” Dean said. He closed his arms around Castiel and continued. “I didn’t want to scare you, I’m still here, I didn’t leave you.” He tried to reassure him. “I almost did” Dean admitted. “But I couldn’t leave you, it was too painful, I’m sorry”

They held onto each other tightly for an instant, none of them wanting to break the moment. Dean breathed in with his nose buried in Castiel’s hair and took a step back.

“How about we drink that coffee… I didn’t know what you liked so I took multiple kinds the barista recommended”

“I like everything as long as it contains caffeine” Cas mumbled with a shy smile.

They needed to talk, but he couldn’t handle a serious conversation before he got the proper amount of coffee in his system. So instead he grabbed a pair of pants to get dressed and sat down on the bed next to Dean.

They ate their breakfast in silence, enjoying each other’s company, but the tension palpable in the air grew as the amount of coffee in their cups diminished. By the end of it, neither of them could look at the other, their gaze lowered avoiding each other.

Castiel didn’t know where to start, now that the initial shock of waking up alone had gone, he started feeling angry again. However, his anger was nothing next to the need to feel Dean next to him, the need to stay close to him and learn everything about him. He couldn’t say this was love yet, they didn’t know each other enough to use such powerful words. But their attraction was undeniable. If platonic soulmate pairs existed, they were definitely not one of them.

He was still actively avoiding looking at Dean when he noticed a word on his wrist.

_“Hey”_

Dean’s handwriting was messy but cute. Castiel looked at the man next to him in surprise, but Dean’s eyes were glued down, a sad smile painted on his face and one of Cas' pen in his hand. Cas searched for the nearest pen and wrote back:

_“hey”_

He saw the smile on dean’s face widen until the happiness reached his eyes. But Dean couldn’t find the courage to look up and Castiel understood so he went back to looking at his wrist. Writing could be way easier than having to actually face words spoken out loud.

_“I’m sorry”_

_“I know”_ Castiel offered. It wasn’t forgiveness yet, but it was a start.

_“I never wanted to hurt you, I wanted to keep you safe”_

_“I get that”_ he already knew that much, they had come to this conclusion after the blood incident. Castiel added _“I want you to stay”_

_“I don’t know if I can Cas.”_

Dean loudly sighed next to him and Castiel felt his heart drop.

_“You can’t? Or you just don’t want to?”_

“Of course I fucking want to stay, I thought we established that last night!” Dean snorted, speaking out loud this time around.

Castiel jerked at the sudden sound of Dean’s voice breaking the silence.

“We established nothing last night!” Castiel shrieked with anger. “We had sex and you tried to leave in the morning, as if this was just another of your stupid one night stand” his voice was quivering, is throat hurting as he tried to hold back his feelings. “Dean? Am I… not enough to make you want to stay? I swear I’ll do anything for you to have me” He broke, feeling pathetic as a sob escaped through his trembling lips.

“No, no Cas, please” Dean was now kneeling on the bed in front of Cas, his hands cupping his cheeks in an attempt to have Cas look at him. “You’re perfect Cas, I meant that. It’s just me, I’m the problem here”

“What kind of ‘ _it’s not you it’s me_ ’ bullshit is that?” Cas spitted, finally looking at Dean in the eyes.

Dean laughed a little, this was such a cliché and Castiel was right about that. The anger in his eyes both hurt Dean to his core and made him want to smile at how cute Cas was.

“I know’ Dean sighed. “But honestly Cas, I’m not good, I do terrible things for a living. I’ve seen stuff you couldn’t even imagine and it broke… it made me different. I’m constantly on the road but I can’t stop, it’s my job. It’s what I’ve lived for all my life and while I would like to be able to give up on this job to take care of you, I can’t because it’s my purpose. This … thing is all I have left. I don’t want to bring this darkness into your life Cas, because you deserve better”

“First of all, you don’t have to take care of me, I can take care of myself very well, thank you. Second, I’m not asking you to give up on this job of yours… whatever it is. I’m not even asking to know about it. I just want to you to stop avoiding me, maybe write on your skin and even get to know each other… we’ll figure it out from there.”

Castiel smiled, hoping it would reassure and entice Dean into agreeing with him. But Dean lowered his gaze away from Cas’ face.

“I don’t know how to do this soulmate thing.” He admitted “I’ve never… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do”

“I don’t know either Dean” Cas snorted. “I that wasn’t obvious yet, you’re my soulmate and you didn’t exactly give me the full ‘soulmate’ experience. But it’s okay, we’ll figure this out together. Plus, we don’t have to label our relationship if that makes you uncomfortable, we can just… go with the flow, I guess.”

“I really don’t deserve you.”

Dean looked at him in awe with a smile on his lips, and slowly got closer to Cas, giving him enough time to back away if needed. Their lips brushed against each other’s, slowly and tentatively as if they were strangers meeting for the first time. Dean moved his hand to the nape of Cas’ neck and kissed him deeply. His movements were slow and loving, it was different from everything they shared before but Castiel still melted his Dean’s touch.

Their lips parted way too soon in Cas opinion, so he decided to straddle dean’s hips and pressed his lips back against Dean’s.

"I like it when you're this close to me" Cas mumbled shyly.

"I like it too sweetheart" Dean smiled and pressed his lips back to Cas'.

Cas eagerly allowed Dean access to his mouth as he deepened their kiss, carefully angling Cas' head backwards.They lazily made out, taking their time to get to know their bodies with tender touches. Dean's hands were slowly travelling up Cas' chest and he let out a small whine when they brushed against the delicate skin of his nipples.

“You’re so sensitive” Dean sighed, loving the way his hands could bring out these lovely sounds out of his soulmate.

“I’ve never… felt anything like this before” Castiel blushed, obviously trying not to bring attention to the reason why he had never felt these things before.

But there was no point in trying to hide his inexperience because Dean already knew. It wasn’t uncommon for people to share their first time with their soulmates and while Dean was surprised that Cas was one of these people -since he had ignored Cas almost his entire life- he assumed Cas had probably, at least, kissed other people before.

 _His first_ –He possessively fondled Castiel’s ass at the thought.

“I know it was your first time, I’m sorry it wasn’t … romantic or whatever firsts are supposed to be”

“It was perfect” Cas’ flush deepened, the red tint spreading to his chest. “It doesn’t bother you that I’ve never did anything before?”

“Of course not! Why would it bother me?” Dean pressed a kiss on the corner of his mouth then added. “It doesn’t bother you that I didn’t… wait for you?” He asked with a sad smile.

“No, it’s good that at least one of us knows what they’re doing” Cas smiled shyly. “Actually I like it a lot, the way you take control, the way you make me feel with the simplest touch. I always want more, I want you to own my body.” He whispered, embarrassed by his confession.

“Fuck, you’re so sexy when you talk like that. I bet you don’t even realize the effect you have on me.”

Cas preened at the praise and their kiss got more heated, Dean’s mouth clashing against his. Their lazy make out session turned passionate with need, their hips rolling against each other. It seemed like Dean was intent on making him come, his hand sliding under the waistband of Cas’ pants and quickly finding itself wrapped around his length, stroking fast and dry. Castiel moaned when Dean’s fingers caught around his tip and started massaging him, collecting the precum gathering there.

With his grip slightly slicked, the sensation changed a bit. Dean was moving at an almost painfully fast pace, but Cas didn’t care, it was everything he needed. The sting of pain only served to enhance the pleasure spreading in his guts. Castiel’s hips jerked in surprise when Dean started fondling his balls.

“Dean!” he whimpered as a finger traveled downwards, quickly finding his entrance and playing with it.

He didn’t last long, as soon as Dean’s hand was back on his dick and his mouth started teasing his nipples, sucking and then rolling his swollen tips between his teeth, Cas came hard. His vision went white as Dean whispered praise into his ears, helping him ride his orgasm with encouragement and dirty words.

He had no idea words could have such an impact on his physical reaction, but Castiel became determined to try it on Dean next, telling him how good he was and how good he made him feel. He lazily tried to reach for Dean’s crotch but he was stopped in his tracks.

“No, sweetheart” Dean held his hand.

“But dean, you didn’t…” Cas awkwardly gestured towards Dean’s obviously still tented jeans.

“I don’t care, this was about you. Please let me enjoy this with you, we’ll take care of this later.”

“Hmmm, okay” Castiel mumbled, still blissed out of his mind.

Dean took care of him, carefully cleaning him and laid back next to him. He started asking him questions, about anything and everything. They talked about their childhood, about music and movies,… When Dean asked about Castiel’s filed of studies, he started telling him about the bees, how important they were and how much he loved them.

It really didn’t matter what they were talking about, Dean could drink his words like a strong whiskey and enjoy feeling tipsy in his embrace, lying next to him was his favourite place in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed.  
> As always don't hesitate to leave kudos/comments to let me know.


	12. Goodbye Kiss

Okay, Dean had to admit, refusing to let Cas reciprocate might have been a mistake. He was currently facing the worst case of blue balls he ever experienced, but Cas was so comfortable and relaxed next to him, he couldn’t disturb this moment. They were still half naked in bed, wrapped around each other in a way that could’ve been described as cuddling.

Castiel was literal perfection and Dean couldn’t stop admiring him, lost in his deep blue eyes. Cas had been accepting, welcoming Dean in his life without asking for anything in return and showing more patience than Dean could’ve ever hoped for. Cas didn’t ask questions about the hunts that left blood on their skin, even when Dean admitted doing terrible things for his “job”, Cas stayed by his side, not making him choose between the family business and his soulmate.

Dean felt like he was taking advantage of his soulmate by letting their bond settle but at this moment, leaving was not an option anymore. They were too far gone, their bond growing deeper with each second they spent together.

Dean could feel it bloom in his chest. He relaxed and tried focusing on it, mentally nudging at the bond. It was bright and beautiful, warming him and making his insides flutter.

“I can feel it.” Cas whispered.

“Hmm?” Dean lazily questioned as his soulmate’s voice pulled him out of his own thoughts.

“Our bond,” Castiel explained with a tender smile. “It feels good, it’s… hot… but a relaxing heat, like getting home and sitting by the fire after being out in the cold for too long. It feels like I’ll never be alone anymore.” His smile turned sad.

“And it’s right, you won’t be alone anymore, I promise you, Cas. Whatever happens between us, I’ll always be there when you need me… and I won’t ignore you anymore.”

Castiel smiled but the expression of happiness didn’t quite reach his eyes. And to be honest he had all the rights to doubt his words, after all these year of douchebag behavior, but Dean was determined to show him his devotion. No matter how their relationship evolved, Dean would be there when Cas called, he would protect and care for him without asking for anything in return. Even when Cas eventually realized Dean wasn’t worth his time, whether they stayed friends or became complete strangers, Dean would still give up anything for him.

Owning Cas trust might take months or even years, right now, there was probably nothing he could do to repair a lifetime of neglect. Instead, he cupped Cas’ cheek in his palm and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“I can feel it too, the bond.” he smiled. “I never expected it to be this intense, but I love it.”

In his usual Dean Winchester fashion, he switched back to his flirty self, winking and plastering on his most charming smile. If anyone asked, Dean would never admit it, but his flirty façade might have been a defense mechanism he usually turned to when he couldn’t process his own emotions. As if he could see right through his walls, Castiel asked.

“I might need time to forgive you and fully trust you, but I’m willing to try because I know it wasn’t easy for you either, all the years we spent without each other… Sam told me about your childhood but I’d like to hear it from you…How was it?”

Dean squirmed uncomfortably in bed, suddenly feeling way too vulnerable. Somehow, the sole idea of having to mention his childhood while lying in bed, almost naked, with another man made his skin itch. He willed himself to relax and tried to gather his thoughts.

“It was… fine” he tried, not sure where to begin. “I had to take care of Sammy a lot, I know it’s not something kids usually have to do but it didn’t matter, I loved it so it didn’t bother me. He was such a fantastic kid, very clever. I always knew he would end up going to college and stuff.”

Dean’s genuine smile was met with apparent sadness in Castiel’s eyes. He didn’t like it, it felt like Cas was pitying him and that was the last thing he needed. Pity made him feel worthless. Plus, there was no reason to feel sad for him really. He might not have had the best family growing up but he had Sammy, the best brother he could’ve asked for, and dad, who always had good intentions in mind.

As if he could read his mind, Cas asked. “And your dad? How was he?”

“He… wasn’t there often. But he loved us and always did what was best for us.” Dean tried to defend him. “He’s the one who taught me everything I know, this… ‘ _job_ ’ I do, I got it from him. He wanted to protect me so he started training me when I was six or seven”

Dean immediately regretted his honesty, he made it sound worse than it actually was and he could already see the shock on Castiel’s face.

“He… taught you how to kill… I mean,” Cas corrected himself “he put you in danger at six years old?”

The indignation in his voice made Dean protective of his family, probably the remnants of years fearing that the child protective services might get the wrong idea and take him away from his brother and his dad.

“No! it’s not like that. I wasn’t in danger. Plus, I didn’t actually start working with him until a few years later. I just needed to be able to protect myself and Sammy when dad was away, that’s it.”

“It’s okay Dean, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

Dean smiled at the reassurance.

“Can I ask you why you never really contacted me? Why you never wrote on your skin?” Cas continued.

“Sure… I...” Dean hesitated. “I don’t know what Sam told you exactly but… I used to do it with my mom, she would help me write on my skin and stuff, but you were still a baby back then… and then she died and… I just… didn’t know how to do it without her at first so I kinda just… stopped thinking about it. And I started taking care of Sammy, and then training, I barely had time for anything else. By the time I was old enough to understand what I had done… I felt like it was too late, it felt impossible.” Dean explained. “I know I shouldn’t make excuses, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I asked.” Cas smiled.

They kept talking about the past, mostly Castiel’s own childhood when suddenly the door opened and Sam let himself in.

“Oh My... No!” Sam shrieked as he put a hand in front of his eyes “I’m happy for you but could y’all at least get dressed!”

“Oh come on bitch, we’re not even naked!” Dean snickered playfully. “Come with me Cas, let’s go take a shower and make ourselves decent so the bitch over there doesn’t get mad at us” he winked obviously trying to annoy his brother even further.

As they left the room, they could hear Sam complaining under his breath but neither of them cared one bit.

Once the bathroom door was closed, Dean cupped Castiel’s face in his hands and their lips met delicately. Dean pushed Castiel against the wall and their kiss turned passionate as he proceeded to devour him, their bodies pressed together. He broke their kiss and whispered.

“This reminds me of that one time in the dark alley.” Dean winked and Castiel blushed at the memory. “You ever had shower sex?”

“Dean! You know I never… did anything like this before.” Cas mumbled.

“Yeah, sorry… let me rephrase. Are you interested in having shower sex right now?” he tentatively asked.

“Sam is out there.” Cas blushed. “He could hear us.”

“Hmm… you think you wouldn’t be able to stay silent while I bury myself inside of you?”

Castiel whimpered and his eyes fluttered shut. Their bodies were close enough that Dean felt Cas’ cock twitch with interest. Dean smiled wickedly.

“Did I accidentally stumble upon one of your kinks?” Dean chuckled. “Would you like that? Having to stay silent while I fuck you…”

Dean started wondering if Cas would need help not to make a noise. He could silence him with his own mouth or… He pictured Cas’ beautiful lips stretched around a ball gag and his blood suddenly rushed downwards. Not that Dean was into this sort of things, Cas might think it was weird but he understood the appeal. 

“Maybe.” Castiel mumbled.

His whole body was flushed. He lifted one of his legs around Dean’s hip and started slowly rolling their hips together with a steady rhythm. He let out a small whimper as their length brushed together through the fabric or their boxers and let out soft pants of pleasure.

Castiel reached for his underwear and frantically brought it down before resuming the rolling of his hips to pleasure himself against Dean’s body, his head rolling backwards.

“Dean” Cas whispered.

There was no point in denying Dean turned on since his beautiful and very naked soulmate was currently using his body for pleasure, outright panting against his neck while he rocked against him. Dean imitated Castiel when he took of his own boxers and holy shit, the feeling of their naked cocks rubbing together, hotness contrasting against the cold air of the room. He started jerking their hips together with force, savoring the feeling of their wet precum smearing and mixing on their skin.

Castiel’s breath was erratic, almost too loud in the silence of the room.

“We should probably move to the shower.” Castiel tried to whisper between two jerks of his hips.

Suddenly, Dean was lifting him up and Cas wrapped his legs around him. He didn’t protest and let himself be manhandled onto to shower wall. Dean turned on the water, careful to check the temperature before he placed them under the stream.

Cas’ short trust were becoming more erratic, he was practically humping Dean’s hip, his head thrown back and his eyes closed. He looked completely lost in his own pleasure and it was incredibly hot but Dean noticed his movement slowing down when Cas opened his eyes.

“Dean please.” He cried out.

Dean didn’t need him to say anything more this time around. He dropped Cas down and turned him around, his body still pressed again the steamy shower wall. Once again Cas was letting Dean control his body without saying anything. Dean's torso was flush against Castiel’s back as he started rutting between is ass cheeks, mad with lust.

Cas moaned when Dean’s length brushed against his hole but quickly reminded himself he needed to stay quiet. He let out a quiet sob when Dean took a step back and tried to calm himself down.

Dean brushed a finger against Cas’ hole and started circling it, applying pressure with the pad of his finger and suddenly, he was breaching his entrance. His first digit slid in, probably too fast if it wasn’t for last night’s activities that had left Cas’ hole slightly looser than before.

Dean suddenly dropped to his knees, he tentatively kissed Castiel's little hole and buried his tongue next to his finger, playing with Cas’ rim. He curled his fingers until he met the sweet spot that had Castiel sobbing in pleasure, begging Dean for more.

“Dean, stop, I’m gonna…” Castiel was breathless, desperate to find the right words “please… Need to come on your cock.”

Dean stood up, eager to give Cas exactly what he needed. He jerked himself a few times with a fistful of soap, slicking himself up then positioned his cock, tip pressing against Cas’ ass.

“Bend forward a little, hands on the wall” Dean guided Castiel’s body with his hands on his hips.

He held him tight when he started pushing in and groaned when his tip popped in, buried in Castiel’s heat. With Castiel’s breathy moans as guidance, he slowly bottomed out, his balls pressing against Cas’ ass. He started rocking in and out of the tight hole with careful thrusts until Cas’ was ready for him to pick up his pace.

“Dean!” Cas sobbed. “I’m not gonna last, please!”

He thrusted hard and fast burying himself to the hilt and making sure to nail Cas’ prostate every time. With one hand still on Cas' hip, manhandling him to meet every move of his hips, he slid his other hand forward until he trapped Castiel’s hard length in his palm. He started jerking him in rhythm with his hips.

A few seconds later Castiel was coming in his hand, his tight channel clenching hard around him and making Dean’s movement erratic with pleasure. He could feel the tendrils of his own orgasm spreading in his hips and driving him mad with want.

“Come inside… please...” Castiel whispered, still riding his own climax.

It was all Dean needed to finally come hard, filling Cas up with his cum. He kept thrusting his hips, enjoying the waves of pleasure until his dick felt raw and overstimulated. He held Castiel tightly against him as he slid out, wishing they had time to keep going and enjoy the overstimulation, maybe he could make Cas come dry as he played mercilessly with his spent cock.

But now wasn’t the time, so instead they carefully cleaned each other and made themselves presentable to face his brother.

~

Sam, Castiel and Dean decided to go get lunch at the closest diner. They called Jess to join and she gladly accepted. They were currently walking towards the diner, Jess and Cas leading the way with the two brothers closely following them.

“So, you and Castiel?” Sam asked quietly enough that Cas couldn’t hear them.

“I don’t know” Dean sighed, lowering his eyes to the ground.

“What do you mean you don’t know” Sam raised his voice an octave in exasperation.

“I mean we decided to see how things would evolve, we won’t label our relationship yet”

“You decided? I hope you didn’t let your stupid fear of commitment impose this bullshit to Castiel.”

“No,” Dean defended himself “It was a mutual decision okay? Don’t be a bitch. Also I didn’t forgive you about your little game of matchmaking yet, seriously dude, the fuck was that?”

“Well it worked!”

“Sure,” Dean said falsely exasperated by his brother’s behavior. “Thank you, I guess.” he shrugged.

Sam smiled knowingly.

“Don’t fuck things up.”

“I won’t.” Dean cut off the conversation, not wanting to spend any more time talking to Sam about his soulmate when they hadn’t even figure things out for themselves yet.

Jess was laughing at something Cas said. They looked happy, sharing whispers and smiling while occasionally turning around to glance at the brothers. Dean looked at his soulmate fondly and their eyes met for a second, Cas blushed and turned back to Jess and their conversation.

“Oh my god!” she giggled loudly after Cas whispered something to her ear.

“What’s happening?” Sam inquired curiously.

“Oh trust me honey, you don’t want to know!” She snorted.

“Hmm?” Sam furrowed is brows in confusion, sadly wondering what his soulmate was keeping from him.

“We were talking about your brother’s penis Sam” Jess laughed.

Sammy’s expression of sad confusion suddenly turned into one of disgust and Dean blushed, his face turning bright red with embarrassment.

“Jess!” Castiel gasped loudly.

“Sorry” she giggled. “I can’t keep anything from Sam… don’t worry Dean, from what I hear you’re a sex god” she added.

“You bet!” Dean winked, directly looking at Castiel. It was his turn to blush.

They all laughed it off as they arrived at the diner.

As they ate in peace, talking and joking with one another, Dean felt at home, more than he ever did before. He never had the opportunity to make friends and hang out as a teenager, and somehow, when Sam left for college, Dean had assumed he would stay like this for the rest of his life, a lone wolf only hanging out with other hunters. This was a feeling he never experienced before, being included in a group of friends… But everything broke when his phone rang. _‘Bobby’_ the screen read.

He picked up and left the table only to come back with bad news five minutes later.

“It was Bobby, He ran into some issues and he’s hurt” Dean told Sam “I have to go…” Dean continued, directly looking into Cas’ sad eyes this time around, as if asking for permission.

Cas offered him a sad smile and followed him out of the diner. Dean couldn’t believe he was doing this, already abandoning Cas after he just promised him to stay and be there for him. His guts churned with guilt.

“I’ll come back, I shouldn’t be long” Dean offered when they came out of the building.

He was facing Castiel and he cupped his face in his palms, trying to express with touches things he still couldn't bring himself to say out loud.

“You’ll write on your skin?”

“I will, I promise”

“okay then… I’ll be waiting for you”

Castiel smiled and closed the distance between them until their lips brushed against each other's. Their kiss slow and tender, a goodbye kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was weird, Idk.  
> More plot in the next chapter.


End file.
